A Vacation Blessing

Q: What is the proper blessing for a summer vacation?

A: Heavenly Father, look down up me, your humble and obedient tourist servant who is determined to travel Your earth, taking photographs, sending text messages, skyping and helping the local economy by buying souvenirs.  We ask You that our plane take off on time, suffer no mishaps and land when and where our ticket says.  May our luggage not be lost, weigh too much or arrive damaged.

Give us this day Divine guidance in our selection of destination and hotels.  We pray that our sim card works and that we can connect with our loved ones while away.  Lead us to inexpensive restaurants where the food is good, wine is included in the price of the meal and may we eat no trafe foods.  Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currency that we do not understand.

May the natives appreciate us for who we are and not for what we can contribute to their pockets.

Grant us the strength to visit museums, places of historic interest and palaces.  And if we skip an ancient monument to take a nap after lunch have mercy, for our flesh is weak.

Protect our spouse from bargains they do not need or cannot afford.  Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do.  Keep our men from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us.  Save them from making fools of themselves in nightclubs.

And when our holiday is over grant us the favor of patient friends who will actually want to hear our stories and look at our pictures so that our lives as tourists will not be in vain. Amen