Yahrzeit

Q: Why do we observe the anniversary of the death of parents (yahrzeit) each year?

A: There are a few reasons why we recall our dead on their yahrzeit.  The most obvious of them is the idea of remembrance.  The yahrzeit forces us to remember their life, going over our moments spent together.  We recall the things they gave to us – life, education, clothes, morals….

A lesser-known reason for the yahrzeit rests on the belief that the souls of the dead are judged by the Heavenly Tribunal.  As their souls come before judgment, they are either permitted to ascend or are denied.

Children of the deceased thus pray for their loved ones.  The living can acquit the dead.

On the yahrzeit we vow to undertake acts of tzedaka on their behalf.  If one believes in memory as the primary motivating factor behind prayers, then tzedaka is practicing the morals the dead taught us.  As their soul so judged our charity pleads to tip the scales in their favor.

Kaddish for a Non Jews

Q:  May a convert to Judaism receite Mourner’s Kaddish for his parents as they are non-Jews?

A: Someone who converts to Judaism is considered as a re-born person.  Through study and practice they leave their previous world behind and join an entirely new world.  Hence, they take on a Hebrew name that indicates a new patrilineal assignment. “Ben” or “bat” Avraham (son or daughter of Abraham) becomes their new lineage.  Their soul becomes realigned and connected with all our Jewish forbears wending their way through the epochs.  In effect, they sever their relationship with their non-Jewish kin and take on a whole new family.

For these reasons someone who has converted is not required to recite Kaddish for their deceased non-Jewish relatives.  Yet, if love burns strongly for their family of origin, there is no rabbinic prohibition or objection to saying Kaddish as a final act of love.